Manifesting A Higher Romantic Love
Atma prema is the Sanskrit word for unconditional self-love. The only words in the English language for self-love are 'narcissistic' and 'egoistic'. Its no wonder we have trouble loving ourselves. Who wants to be labeled either of those things? We need to shake off that stigma that self-loathing is noble and that self-loving is narcissistic.
Atma prema is essential to the foundation of every relationship we have, for the surface reflects the depths. When you self-loath your mind is filled with negative self-talk. Consciously you attempt to seek one who would tell you the opposite. What happens though is that you don't believe them. So, instead, you find someone who confirms your negative self-talk. Verbally they tell you the things you long to hear, but treat you indifferently or follow each compliment with a condition. That stick and carrot treatment gets you hooked and sets you up to strive to improve yourself to meet their approval and ultimately, you think, to make you believe in yourself more. Its a never-ending cycle.
So, to manifest a higher romantic love, a shringara (rapturous intimacy), you have to develop a higher atma prema. As your atma prema develops, you become more comfortable and familiar with healthy love and this becomes reflected in your external relationships as well. You begin to feel uncomfortable with the carrot/stick dynamic. The less you give yourself the stick the more uncomfortable the stick will feel coming from anyone else.
Everything always boils down to your outer world reflecting your inner world. If your insides are gloom and doom, your experience of life will be gloom and doom. If your insides are bright and light, your experience of life will be bright and light. It doesn't mean that you will avoid trials or heartache. It means that you will see those trials and heartaches as opportunities for growth instead of devastation. You will use it to feed your atma prema and attract an equivalent shringara.