Entitlement and the Transition Into Adulthood

There is a false sense of entitlement everywhere you look. The more we have progressed as a society technologically, the more we have regressed as a human race. I'm not talking about materialism and being entitled to the latest electronics, either. I am talking about something deeper.

Where did we go so wrong?

The wrong turn was thinking that progress adds quality by removing or reducing inconveniences. Progress is not evolution. Evolution is purging that which no longer serves our highest good and embracing that which does. Evolution is adaptation. Progress is thought to make our lives easier. Evolution makes our lives simpler.

The notion that life is a game to be played and won is founded in 'progress'. It leads one to believe that they are entitled to an easy life. When you expect life to be easier and it isn't, you are left with a bitter taste in your mouth. Life isn't about easy. It's about evolution and ultimately it is about love.

Life is a continuous opportunity to experience the highest version of yourself. You are entitled to nothing in life, except love. However, you are not guaranteed from where that love will emanate. The idea that you are entitled to two loving parents, a trauma free childhood/life, an education and a great social life is a marketing ploy. A gimmick set up by the advertising and movie industry to keep selling you an unrealistic dream. A dream so unattainable that the promise of it consumes you and sets you up for eternal disappointment.

While it might be a wonderful dream for life to work like a game, where you acquire different objects, never lose any you don't want to and at the end have all the things you want and nothing you don't, it goes against physics. Two things cannot occupy the same space, therefore we must let go of certain things to allow room for new things. There is only so much room on your plate; If you like everything on your plate but really want something else, something has to go. In addition, to every action there is a equal and opposite reaction. When you make a choice there are always unseen results - often called consequences. Just because you didn't see them coming doesn't mean that what shows up isn't fair and you don't have to now deal with what's at hand.

From the moment our children are born, we as parents, are required to bend our lives around them. If we are lucky, we have a big support system and we as individuals do not need to bend or stretch grossly out of shape. Ideally, there are two parents, four grandparents, extended family and even friends who step in to form a village and support the child. Each person occupies a space surrounding the child. At a midpoint, from the ideal, on the spectrum is the single parent with limited support. The pieces that are in place must bend and stretch considerably more than those in the ideal situation (a child with two active and supporting parents). More sacrifice and accommodation must be made to fulfill the child's needs. At the opposite end of the spectrum is a parentless child with no support system. No one besides the government system is surrounding them. A loving foster family would then do the bending and stretching to surround the child, however, that can be ripped away from them at any time.

Regardless of where they were on the spectrum, when the child becomes an adult it is their turn to begin to meet their own needs, as well as start to bend and stretch to accommodate those who have bent and stretched to accommodate them. This is the cycle of life. When you are a child it is primarily all about you. Your needs are considered first. Everything is done to catapult you into successful adulthood. The illusion every kid has is that 'adults get to do anything they want and don't have to listen to anyone else's rules'. The fantasy every kid has is to grow up just so they can do whatever they want. The reality is that as an adult you have to compromise more, accommodate more, follow more rules and have greater consequences for breaking them.

What I see is that those who are not raised in ideal situations ( and lets face it, most of us haven't been) have this strange belief that they were actually entitled to that ideal situation and were robbed of it. They look at the pieces that were not there and feel cheated, rather than looking at the pieces that stretched and bent themselves out of shape to cover all the bases. This results in taking those pieces for granted and makes for very difficult relationships later on when the child transitions into adulthood and is resistant to reciprocate the bending and stretching. The fact is, as adults we too have to do things we don't want to do, or not do things we want to do, when we are in relationship with others...even in our own home. If you don't bend and stretch for the ones who bent and stretched for you, then you are becoming JUST like the ones who didn't bend and stretch for you when you needed it most.

Children have no idea how much their parents have actually bent and stretched for them until they raise children of their own. There is so much that goes on behind the scenes, beneath the surface and beyond the scope of imagination. Sacrifices that we as parents keep to ourselves for the betterment of our children. Sacrifices we don't even see as sacrifices because they were just that necessary. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen, and everything you do see is not all there is. (Insert in your mind the picture of the iceberg above and below the surface of the water, here.)

Don't get it twisted (pun intended), bending and stretching is NOT comfortable. It isn't bending and stretching if it doesn't bother you, push your comfort zone or challenge you in some way. Bending and stretching is uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. It is inconvenient, bothersome, irritating, aggravating and annoying. It is NOT easy, or simple, or clearcut, or even fair, but it is what we do for those who love us...and we do it without complaining or fighting. Complaining, negotiating and announcing the sacrifices or compromises we are making does not constitute bending and stretching. Its just a temper tantrum.

The ancient poet, Rumi, said, "If you are irritated at every rub, how will you become polished." The reality is that we do get irritated with every rub...it is the irritation and the friction that brings out our shine.

No one owes you anything, least of all Life. You are entitled to nothing but love in life, and how you experience the love that finds you, is of your own choosing. You can choose to take care of those who have loved you, or you can focus on those who haven't and you wish had. Taking care of those who have loved you requires bending and stretching. If you choose not to bend or stretch, don't expect that those who have will continue doing so forever.