Resonance and Resistance

Resistance and resonance may well be two sides of the same coin.

Over the past several years I've moved away from making judgements such as I like or dislike something. These judgements tend to be reactions with very little thought attached to them. When I started to use the word 'resonate' instead, I began to put more thought into what it is that called to me or not about a subject. No more knee-jerk dismissal or acceptance.

What I realized was that some things I thought I liked, didn't really resonate with me. I didn't 'not like' them so I assumed that I liked them, but to say they 'resonated' with me? No. They certainly did not. This simple change in thinking, made a HUGE change in my experience of life. It automatically made my life richer, by 1) expanding my appreciation and experience of things that truly resonated with my soul and 2) eliminating/preventing things that did not.

"Like" and "dislike" are logical terms. I remember distinctly when I learned this lesson. It was on a college-tour trip to Winona, Minnesota. We were visiting two colleges, St. Mary's and College of St. Teresa. If I remember right, I visited CST first. I stayed the night and had an awesome time! The next day I visited St. Mary's and spent the night there. I had a miserable time! When my parents picked me up the next morning, my parents asked me about it. I said I didn't like it at all and he asked me why. I said that I just didn't like it and that I liked CST much better.

He got rather agitated and pressed the issue saying, 'There must be a REASON you don't like it'. I began to cry, because I hadn't thought of why, I just knew what I felt. He was insistent, however, of my giving logical reasons. So, I began to tell him what I didn't like about my experience. The first few things I said were met with From then on, I knew I needed to have a logical reason for liking or not liking something. Especially to NOT like something. (Hence where my conclusion, that if I didn't 'not-like' something then I must like it, came from.)

Well, there were plenty of 'reasons' that St. Mary's wasn't for me and why I didn't like it. But as I look back now, it simply did not resonate with me. The energy was completely different than CST. The whole visit was rather haphazard and for the most part I was left on my own, to watch TV in their common room, while my guide went out partying, and then slept in an empty room by myself. Whereas, at CST, I too slept in a room by myself, but my guide was just down the hall and checked in on me from time to time when I had been left on my own (which was really not until I was exhausted and ready to be alone and go to sleep anyway). I did end up going to CST and it most definitely resonated with my soul. It was the best decision of my life. It opened up doors to my spiritual and emotional growth.

When something resonates with you, it lights you up. You don't like it, you LOVE It. It does you good! When something doesn't resonate with you, it is rather neutrual. It's blah. It does not light you up and you certainly don't LOVE it. You may not dislike it...it simply doesn't resonate with you.

So, what about those things that really turn you off? What is THAT about then? That is 'resistance' and resistance is tricky. At first glance, resistance seems like the opposite of resonance. But it isn't. Neutrality or 'blahness' is the opposite of resonance. Resistance is the Toxic Operating System at work, trying to keep things status quo. You know the Hamlet quote "The woman doth protest too much, me thinks; that is how resistance shows up.

The saying 'never say never' came from this realization. When we say 'never' to something, it is quite passionate. Why? If it didn't resonate with us, we would feel blah about it and it would come out more like "Nah, not for me." But when we say "never" to something we are more passionate about it, aren't we? Why when it isn't something we have had personal experience from which to draw a conclusion? (I'm not talking about trying something, having a bad experience of it and deciding from that, it isn't for you.) Have you noticed how many times in your life you said you'd "never" do something, only to find maybe several years down the road that you are doing just that?

I have a whole list of things I said "never" to!! I said I could never eat raw fish!! Turns out I LOVE sushi. I said I'd never date anyone long distance. Turns out my beloved One lived 5 hours away when we met. I said "I'd never" to a lot of things in my life, including divorce, and yet that divorce was one of the best things I ever did for myself.

Saying 'never' is just one way that resistance shows up. It can show up in more blatant ways. Things we know would be good for us, but we delay starting them or stop doing them. Things like eating healthier, being more organized, getting proper exercise, any form of exchanging bad habits for good ones. Procrastinating on things we say we want to do, is a form of resistance. Fighting against something that someone we are in relationship with needs or requests (providing it is not harmful to us, that is). "Problem with authority figures" is a huge way that resistance shows up.

So what is resistance then if it is not the opposite of resonance? It is the Toxic Operating System (TOS) -or some call it the ego- at work once again!! It is keeping us small and under its control. Resistance is fear. It is fear of being vulnerable, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of success, just fear, fear, fear. The TOS doesn't want us happy, because if we are happy we would see right through it as the illusion that it is. It isn't happy if we are happy because the only thing going for it is the illusion of fear to control us. If we were happy we wouldn't need it. It likes to be big and bold and all over the place. If we wer truly happy we would see through the illusions its created. Illusions like; we must be liked, our happiness depends on other people, we must avoid pain, the world is a dangerous place, we must have material things to be a success, playing it safe is the only way to go etc.

The TOS is born of the Survival Operating System (SOS) which is a necessary system that is set in motion and begins developing as soon as we are conceived. It is necessary for physical survival on the planet. The problem comes in when the SOS begins to apply what it's learned to spiritual, emotional and intellectual realms. This is where the TOS begins and the SOS ends. The SOS learned that touching a hot stove is dangerous because it experienced being burned on a hot stove. The TOS takes that premise that what happened before will happen again (which is a real possibity in the physical realm) and applies it where it has no relevance, like relationships. I was burned by a man once, I'll get burned again. But unlike stoves, which operate all the same way, people are distinctly unique and cannot be judged by previous experience with other people. If you are having similar experiences with different people, the common denominator is NOT 'other people', its you, but the TOS doesn't want you to see that or admit that. Think of TOS as an agoraphobic, paranoid, hypochondriac taxi driver. Its whole goal is to gain validation by keeping you prisoner in its cab, in the garage. You know, misery likes company, right? Well, Misery is the name of the taxi driver.

So, resistance is a sign of the TOS keeping us in the cab. When we find ourselves resisting something we do indeed need to ask ourselves why. This is different than asking ourselves why something doesn't resonate with us, because not resonating is neutral. There is no trickery there. If someone important to us asked us to do something and it didn't resonate with us, we would have no problem doing it for, or with them, if they felt it was important. But resisting such a thing, tells us that there is somethin deeper within us that is going on. That perhaps this is something that would indeed resonate with our highest self, but the TOS is trying to keep us from it.

If you doubt this, take a moment to reflect on all the times you've seen other people resist. An extreme, but perfect example is an addict when confronted with their addiction. A child who is overly tired at bedtime. Or the evangelical preacher who preaches against adultery and homosexuality and is later discovered having a homosexual extramarital affair. Hoarders who get violent when you challenge their collecting habits.

Another clue to noticing resistance is the term "its no big deal" as a response to someone bringing somethng to your attention. If someone of reputable stature is bringing something to your attention, it is most certainly a 'deal'. It may not be a big deal, but it is cleary important to them. So if you are responding to their concerns or disappointements with 'its no big deal' its a flag. If it was truly 'no big deal' then you would simply do the thing or respect the request, because it is no big deal to you, but clearly a deal to them. So what are you resisting?

Another clue to noticing resistance is the term "there's nothing I can do about it." Again with the trickery!! We've talked about Surrender and letting go, and at first glance this can seem like that, but it isn't. It is the TOS trickery for sure. Its taken a perfectly good saying and twisted it. "There's nothing I can do about it" is different from "there's nothing more I can do". When we surrender it is after we have done all that we can do on our end, we let go of the rest and place it in the Universe for the highest good of all. When we greet a situation with a blanket statement of "there's nothing I can do" we are convincing ourselves it is ok to be less than our best. We have tried nothing, we have just decided that there is nothing we can do. It is a defeatist attitude not an empowered one. This is the TOS keeping us away from the experience of our highest self.

This reminds me of the war between God and the Devil religions are always emphasizing. I find that very interesting. Is it possible that the devil actually lives inside and isn't some separate evil entity? I highly believe that is the case.

So, when you find yourself resisting something, look to see if maybe it isn't your SOS keeping you from something that will really resonate with you and would change your life.