Someone To Love

Every once in a while I hear someone giving this advice to another, "Find someone who is more in love with you than you are with them." As if it is some sort insurance policy that you won't be abandoned.

I just shake my head.

You wonder why the divorce rate is so high? This is a plan to fail. It is the Toxic Operating system using fear to control outcomes it has no business controlling.

If you are in a relationship where you are more loved than you are loving, get out! NOW!! Don't waste someone else's time or play with their emotions. There is no way for a relationship like that to succeed. This will only lead to frustration, disappointment and disintegration of the relationship.

While it may indeed, prevent the other person from leaving you, it certainly will not keep you from leaving them. How can a one sided relationship ever satisfy both people in the relationship? After all, isn't the deep rooted love that gets us through the rocky parts? Isn't it the 'I'd rather do this with them than do without them' the navigational tool that facilitates long lasting relationships?

I don't think I ever heard any couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary by saying "I just made sure she loved me more than I loved her." I'm pretty sure they are more likely the ones who are saying "I love you", "No, I love YOU." "No, I love you MORE." "Well, I love you MOST."

Looking for someone who loves you more than you love them is selfish and self-defeating. First of all, doesn't everyone deserve the chance to be loved deeply and without limits? This person you are committing to because they love you more, don't they deserve that kind of love in return? And what of you? Don't you deserve to have that soul-stirring kind of love oozing out of your pores? Do you really think you'd be happy with someone you didn't love like that?

Don't look for wormholes in a relationship. It isn't a business contract where you need to look out for number one and make sure you don't get screwed. If you want a fulfilling relationship you must go where you've never gone before. Find someone you can be vulnerable with, not a little vulnerable, but deep down, gut-wrenching, scare the crap out of you vulnerable. This is the marrow of love. This is where the nourishing stuff is found.

This is the road less traveled. And as Robert Frost said, it will make all the difference.