On Being An Empath

Emily Dickinson wrote:

IF I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again

I shall not live in vain.

When I read these words, years ago, I adopted them as a sort of mission statement for my life. It is what led me into social work as an occupation and makes me what some would call a bleeding heart. It has been my guide to being the most compassionate and empathetic person possible.

Over the course of my life, my application of this mission statement has changed as I’ve matured. In the beginning, I was meek, passive, agreeable to everyone and quite the people pleaser. My focus then was on rescuing victims. The next phase, less meek, less passive, still agreeable and still a people pleaser. My focus then was on empowering victims. The next phase, confident, peaceful but more vocal and less people pleasing. Currently, I am more confident, peaceful, very vocal and perhaps have only a modicum of people pleasing left.

While I have this poem as the basis of my operating system, I engage with others in the world who do not. Being empathic (not just empathetic) has only made me more aware of the others who do not operate compassionately and honestly. The problem with being empathic is that it can appear to others that I am emotional, irrational, or too sensitive because I can feel what is behind the words rather than taking the words just at face value. Before I knew I was empathic, I used to cave in to those with logic and the appearance of their words. I listened to those who said I’d misunderstood or was just being too sensitive and I ignored my instinct. Not anymore.

I feel things others feel. I hear things others do not say. It is a blessing and a curse. It is a gift that must be mastered for my sanity. If I don’t trust it, then it is like a Schizophrenic who hears voices and I am pained by it. When I trust it I am at peace, though, it seems to cause panic in those who are trying to fool me.

When I perceive something behind someone’s words I am careful to heed that warning. Whether it is someone outright lying or being passive aggressive I give more weight to my impression than their words. I don’t need to justify it. I don’t need to rationalize it. It doesn’t need to be logical or make sense to anyone else. I know what I know, even if I don’t know how to explain it to you.

#beinganempath #empathicabilities #sensitive #othersfeelings